You will love this place my guy, I can't believe you have never been!I stuffed random toiletries into a suitcase in preparation for our holiday to Ibiza at the weekend. The Little Boom looked at me with all the snark of a soon to be seven-year-old.

Yooohooo! I have arrived and I have apples!A voice resembling an Ostrich being soundly ridden by a bear carried through the house.I looked up from where I sat at the table in the garden and frowned. What the fuck was that? And apples? Who the fuck likes apples?

Daddy, I am really nervous about my operation tomorrow.The Little Lady looked up at me from her bed, her eyes wide with a hint of fear like a woodlouse exposed to the sun.Hey, chicken pie. Don't you worry about a thing. It is relatively minor, they do these operations all the time. You will be fine.

Guys, can you come to my office please?I shook my head as I read the Teams message that had popped up on my screen. Fucking El-Jefe. He had become insufferable lately. Despite the ravaging of redundancies tearing through my workplace, the Heffalump had somehow managed to score not only a promotion but also an office to himself.

I tapped furiously away at my keyboard. I hadn't posted in a while and it seemed that whilst I had been post-free Hive had gone up in flames. People were pointing angrily at each other, bandying hot words in the comment sections of posts by illustrious giants of Hive.

Where do you want it mate?Said the delivery man with a cheeky nod as if he were thinking I might reply with some butt-cheeked innuendo.I gave him a stern look before motioning at a space in the hall as if to say, just there is fine you dirty-legged tramp.