The Rain, Bringing With It Some Inner Reflections

2025-03-11T11:09:24
As I write this, I can hear the rain fall on the roof of my truck, it's not too heavy at the moment, just the soft pitter patter of raindrops. A sound I have always found so soothing. It's been raining on and off for a week now, but the last four days it has gotten quite heavy. So much so, that the river next to where live, has started to flow again. The water is pretty brown at the moment, which is quite normal, hopefully we will see it run clear again soon. This rain is such a blessing, as the last few years, we have had hardly any rain at all.
Everywhere looks so vibrant and alive at the moment. When the rain does stop, the birds are out singing and I swear their song is both louder and happier. It makes sense, as I imagine they are rejoicing in this blessing of rain. We all are. Although it has affected my work a bit, as there is not much gardening work in the rain, I am so happy for the land, to see everywhere look so much more lush. To see grass begin to grow, where before it was dry and barren. The mountains too, have so much more snow on them, which means more water for us lower down, n the coming months.
The rain has now got heavier outside, not so much a pitter patter anymore. As we would say in Ireland, it is now bucketing down. Being able to hear it fall upon my roof, is one of the reasons why I like living in a tiny home. I feel far more connected to the elements this way. To the natural rhythm of things. As the earth is being nourished by the rain, I find myself thinking about some ways in which I could be nourishing myself more.
Well for one, I am definitely resting more, simply because I do not have so much work at the moment, which has given me more time for reflection. To really integrate the things that I have been going through these last few months. Each year, I feel like I have been peeling back more of myself, lowering my walls, letting go of my conditioning, connecting more with my natural state of being. Living more from a place of gratitude and love.
But I have also come to the realisation, that there are parts of myself that are not so pretty, parts that because of the word we live in, we have been told to suppress. Parts that we tend to hide, in fear of rejection. I want to make space for those parts of myself. For those emotions, that tend to make people uncomfortable. To focus a bit more now, on ways in which I can embrace the darker parts of myself, that are just as vital as the brighter parts. To be honest, I am kind of sick of hearing about love and light all of the time. I get it, that's what people want to see. But it's also really damaging, to disconnect from certain parts of ourselves.
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When we do that, then we can end up becoming physically unwell. I'm not talking about becoming mean or resentful. Instead I want to make time to connect with my more primal self, to get out of my head and into my body, delve deep and allow what wants to come up, to come up. To really find my voice. I had an experience recently, where I found myself reverting back to a time in my life where I was assaulted. I found myself screaming on the inside, unable to voice my discomfort, to even step away and express how I was feeling.
I realise now, that it is not love and light that is going to help me access that pain, that trapped voice, but rather my primal self, that side of myself that I connected with during the birth of my daughters, that side that made weird noises and disconnected fully from her logical brain. That is where I need to go to unlock my deepest pain, unlock it and set it free, set my voice free.
All photos used n this post are mine.
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