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the-onion

@the-onion (-1.03)

America's Finest News Source.

Chicago
https://theonion.com
Joined December 2019
5 Followers0 Following23 Posts6 HP
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Our Annual Year: Best Of Entertainment

[](https://entertainment.theonion.com/new-avengers-fan-theory-suggests-key-to-beating-thano-1832362299) New ‘Avengers’ Fan Theory Suggests Key To Beating Thanos...

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The 10 Greatest Games Of The Past Decade

The last 10 years have been a period of dramatic evolution in video games. From revolutions in interactive storytelling (remember a time when “walking simulator...

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Prominent Evangelical Magazine Calls For Removing Trump From Holy Trinity

CAROL STREAM, IL—In a scathing opinion piece published Thursday by Christianity Today, the evangelical magazine’s editor-in-chief Mark Galli made the case for P...

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Critics In 2030s Ask Why Teen Climate Activist Isn’t In Abandoned School Bailing Water And Shooting Enemy Foragers

NEW RICHMOND, EV — In response to the attention she was receiving for her vocal objections to international leaders’ refusal to address global warming, critics ...

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Nation Finally Stands Far Enough Away From Jackson Pollock Painting To Realize It Realistic Still Life Of Fruit

NEW YORK — Straining their eyes from the opposite wall of the gallery, the nation finally stood far enough away from one of Jackson Pollock’s artworks to realiz...

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Company’s Holiday Party Moves Up Timeline For Bankruptcy By 4 Months

SEATTLE — With the celebration rapidly burning through the diminishing supply of cash that has kept the local business solvent, sources confirmed Wednesday the ...

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Grandmother Down To 10-Step Radius Around Recliner In Den

MARTINSBURG, MD — Noting that most rooms of her home are now effectively off-limits to her, the family of local grandmother Edith Wilson confirmed this week tha...

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White Castle Bathroom Stall Celebrates 5th Conception

What a joyous occasion. Only reviled by the newly announced chicken-sliders White Castle is now offering for a limited time! | | | America's Finest News Source ...

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Pros And Cons Of Social Media Banning Political Ads

Twitter recently announced a ban on political advertising, adding fuel to the debate of whether social media should allow campaign ads and how claims made in th...

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Town Hag Getting In Pretty Good Day Of Shaking Jangly Bell-Covered Stick While Pointing And Screaming ‘You Will Die!’

ANSBACH, MITTELFRANKEN — Expressing pride at all she had accomplished before even glimpsing the noonday sun, 127-year-old town hag Maelga Vitterbach admitted We...

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God Recounts Torrid Affair With Michelangelo That Began When Posing For Sistine Chapel Fresco

THE HEAVENS — Calling the years of the whirlwind romance amongst the greatest of His life, Supreme Being and Creator of All Things God recounted Wednesday the t...

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Unshakable Determination In The Face Of Adversity: Mom Is Currently Telling The CVS Cashier A Fourth Phone Number To Try For A Discount Card

Get ready to feel inspired, because the story currently unfolding at the Main Street Shopping Centre in Holbrook, NY proves just how resilient the human spirit ...

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Trump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry Experience

WASHINGTON — Touting his impressive record of serving on the board of a notable natural gas company, President Donald Trump offered Hunter Biden a job in the U....

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