We probably should have planned more ahead for the coming week of holidays for Smallsteps, as the weather is going to be pretty horrible to be outdoors. There has been a lot of snow in the last few weeks, but now the temperature has moved up above freezing again, and it is just slush, ice, mud, puddles and mess. On Friday, Smallsteps slipped into a puddle on her way home from school, and almost had to swim out. She was wet through to the skin and was frozen by the time she got home.
Probably what made her sick on Saturday.
She was okay today though, so we continued on painting in the morning, and then we went and had a quick coffee with a friend of mine. He is recently divorced, and his son is now an adult, so I think that he doesn't mind spending a few hours just hanging out and talking nonsense with us. I am hoping that once he is ready and dating again, we will still be able to hangout and perhaps do some "double date" kinds of things.
Never really done that before. Might be fun.
As I have mentioned before, over the last years and especially since Covid restrictions, I feel I have lost a lot of my friendships with people, where the connections have been whittled down. This is also my fault, as since the stroke, I have very low motivation to stay in contact with people. It is akin to getting to the gym - it is easier to stay on the couch, even though I know that it would be better to meet with people. This year, I have been paying more attention to this and trying to be more active, but there isn't a huge amount or reciprocity.
Maybe it is me.
Since the stroke, my personality has changed somewhat, and I am not as fast as I used to be. I feel that I have become less vibrant in some way, as if I have just got old and tired. In my head I still kind of feel like my old self, but then I scan my mind and feel the fog. It is like looking into the mirror, and seeing an elderly parent.
The shine is gone.
In a few weeks I will be turning forty five, and while that is well past middle age, I also don't think it is "as old" as 45 seemed to be when I was a kid. Thinking back to my parents at that age and the parents of my friends, they seemed so much better put together, so much more organized. It was like they were adults. Talking with my friends, even though doing adult things - they don't seem like they are as "adult-y" as in the past.
I think that this has to do with having such a variation in options now on ways to live life, whereas it was far more restricted thirty years ago. There was still the idea of getting married, having kids, owning a house - and not too much more. It was far simpler to choose what to do in life, because the expectations from life were narrower.
Compared to many of our daughter's friends, we are pretty old parents, but not that much older, as people are having kids later these days. I think that this has an effect on the situation too, as back in the day, people started their "stable life" earlier, and in their mid-twenties they were already well along the path. These days at that age, people are still behaving like they are teenagers, living at home, borrowing money from their parents, spending it on going to a Taylor Swift concert.
I don't know - maybe I expect life to somehow be different in ways it can't be. Maybe my own belief that life should be about having solid relationships, being part of a community, and adding value to others in return for a quality society are so antiquated, it just isn't possible. Perhaps, I should just join the army of people marching along to the beat of whatever makes an individual feel good in the moment, must be good.
That doesn't sound right to me.
Maybe I am wrong.
Taraz
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