What seems like an eternity ago, I met my wife dancing. And while courting (which is such an old-fashioned, irrelevant term - but this is more what it was), we would dance together regularly. It was fun, and after we were together we continued for some time, until my wife lost interest in the community of it and we drifted away. As a result, we haven't danced for many years and at least for me, I think the time has passed where I can feel I could dance and get better at it.
It is not the same for my wife though, as after being a competitive ballroom dancer when young, she can always dance because she can always follow. A few months ago we were at a "fancy party" and she was asked to dance by one of the Dancing with the Stars professionals, who was one of her "idols" when she was competing, as he was a few years older and so good. Since she can dance, a bit later in the night he asked her again to dance a couple more songs.
I was left holding her purse.
Typical.
I didn't mind. It was nice to see her dance with someone who can dance, as most of the time she has had to dance with me, who is blundering and clumsy on the dance floor. Good enough for many women who are social dancers, but far below anyone who has a little more experience and practice under their belt. Dancing is a great way to meet people if interested in dancing though. If not and willing to be social, it is still a great way to meet people. However, I think it also attracts a lot of people who are using it as a dating service, quite obviously. Some pretty sleezy people in my opinion. If the only way a guy is able to get close to a woman is through couple dancing, there likely is something wrong with them to begin with.
It takes all types, I guess.
Obviously, I have a strong belief that social ability and quality interaction is important for a healthy society, and I reckon the more we veer away from interacting with each other, the worse society becomes. I think many people who are in my age group and already in relationships discount the importance of their childhood experiences, which younger people today might not have. And even if their own children are okay, the kids are going to enter into a peer group that has a much lower social ability than previously, but have much higher expectations on what they deserve. What kind of potential dance partners will they be?
Couples dancing requires two people to work together and adjusting themselves for the other person, whether the steps are right or wrong. My wife and I dance well enough together because she follows all of my mistakes, so the untrained eye doesn't notice as much. And when I dance with inexperienced dancers, I am good enough to generally limit what I do and recover their mistakes, as they probably don't follow as well as my wife. Two people have to work in unison.
But in today's culture, I am not sure if children are really learning the skills that allow them to build healthy relationships, whether that be with romantic partners or with friends. I think relationships have become more about an individually demanding they receive what they want, but less willing to invest themselves into the relationship. And a lot of the people who say they do, go in needing something out of the relationship, expecting the other to provide for them from the get-go. When someone goes into a relationship needing, they are immediately needy and a burden.
As relationships progress however, burdens inevitably arise, because people change over time with constantly shifting conditions. Illness, job changes, children, investments, houses, money, friend group dynamics and a hundred other things will keep moving and if two people are only in it for themselves, they are unable to support the other through the harder times. And with dating apps offering a constant stream of possibility, people are more likely to go out and find someone that fills their needs now, without thinking about how life changes over time, as do our needs and expectations at different stages of life.
Life is a dance.
That is what has been poetically suggested at least. But I think people are more and more choosing to dance alone, thinking that it is going to sustain them through all stages of their life. I don't think it is, yet people will do what is most convenient for them to do right now, so to each their own. However, I also think that there is going to be a massive shortage of quality dance partners in the future, so that those who are looking for a healthy relationship, are not going to have much choice, because so few have the skills and temperament to be in a healthy relationship. And the more unhealthy relationships form, the worse the spiral down becomes.
So many people I have talked to have said they are looking for a healthy relationship, yet despite all the failures, aren't willing to address that the other person is only 50% of the relationship. If people aren't willing to become the kind of person who can have a healthy relationship, healthy relationships just can't happen, no matter how great the dance partner.
There is nothing wrong with dancing alone.
But is it enough for a lifetime?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Be part of the Hive discussion.
- Comment on the topics of the article, and add your perspectives and experiences.
- Read and discuss with others who comment and build your personal network
- Engage well with me and others and put in effort
And you may be rewarded.