You going on the Christmas night out, BoomDawg?
A voice roared from beside my desk.
I looked up from the incredibly complex yet vital to our company's existence, Excel report I was working on.
Who dared beard me in my den with a roar so loud? Had a giant approached me unawares? My gaze swept the room, yet there was no one to be seen.
Then I saw it. The source of the sound.
It was Shit-the-bed. a tiny little Project Manager, who had stopped at my desk brandishing a canvas bag and a notepad.
Well, it's funny you should...
I began to reply but Shit-the-bed cut me off with an authoritative chopping of his hand.
Oh for fuck sake, you're not going to dodge it by pulling the 'I've got young kids' card again are you? Man up for fuck sake!
He barked, shaking his head at my lack of mannity.
I gazed at him fondly. He was so tiny. I was half tempted to pick him up and put him in my shirt pocket.
Well, no. I wasn't going to pull the 'I'm a parent' card. What I was going to say was...
I attempted to answer.
Fucking hell man, don't be such a pussy. Get that wife of yours tell't!?
He shook his head but harder this time in utter disgust at my furry felinity.
If you would let me finish, I...
I started but once again the eeny-weeny Shit-the-bed leapt in.
I've got two young kids. I'm fucking going. You scared to let your hair down? Fuck sake man, that's gay.
I did a double take. Shit-the-bed had two kids? How the hell had someone so small managed such a task without falling into his wife's vagina and being lost forever?
In my head, I pictured him stepping up to his wife's lady-garden like Luke in Return of the Jedi stepping up to the Sarlaac pit.
I couldn't help but giggle.
Shit-the-bed reared back and fixed me with a hard stare.
What's so funny?!
He demanded.
You know the Sarlaac pit in Return of the Jedi? I was just sort of imagining that that scene was like you getting your wife pregnant.
I chortled happily.
Shit-the-bed turned several shades of purple in quick succession, his eyes bulging like tiny little quails eggs.
You... You're a prick.
He snapped.
I leaned back in my chair.
That's me.
I said happily, leaning back in my chair.
Shit-the-bed made a snarly-warly noise and stomped off.
Oh, I am going by the way. You can buy me a drink!
I yelled at his retreating back.
Ahhh, it's shaping up to be a fun night!