The park was busy with mums and kids running amok everywhere. Winter had relented for a day and the weather had climbed all the way up to 11 degrees Celsius.
If the temperature got any higher us Scotsmen would have to be fighting the natural urge to get our taps aff.
I love it when it's like this.
Remarked my mate Daz as we walked beside the pond.
The place is absolutely hoaching with fanny.
He added with a grin as if someone had handed him a boob on a stick.
I must explain that sentence of his above. Fanny, unlike the American saying actually means vagina here in Scotland. And hoaching means awash with or full of.
So in effect what he was saying in a slightly ungentlemanly way was...
I say, this place is abound with lady types of a warm persuasion. I do approve.
Despite its ungentlemanality, the good lady was not present so I responded in kind so as to maintain my One of the boys credentials.
Aye man, pure hoachin.
Totally man, totally.
Replied Daz, nodding in approval at the ladies of the park.
There were rather a lot of them to be fair. Which was a shame for Daz as his wife was pregnant and he was obviously past the It's still fun to try stage and was firmly in, no monkey monkey for you territory.
We arrived at the coffee shop.
It was a young lady serving so I volunteered to get the coffees in so that Daz didn't inadvertently splash her with jizzum whilst asking for a latte.
I left him with the little boom sleeping in his pram.
When I returned Daz had a grin a mile wide as he spoke to a mummy type we knew. The reason for his cheeriness being that she was as is known in the trade, a bit of a hottie.
On my arrival, she looked up from cooing at the little boom.
Oh my God. He is such a CUTIE!
Yeah.
I shrugged modestly as if the sole reason he was a handsome cute little devil was solely down my strong seed. Which, right enough, is probably true. After all, an oak isn't an oak without a seed?
I love his hair, look at it! So red, so bright, he really suits it!
Yeah, it's cool.
I remarked with another shrug.
The Hot Mommy looked up at my hair quizzically. I am not red-haired.
Is your wife a red-head?
No, not in the slightest.
I replied.
Oh!
Hot Mommy looked fascinated.
Where do you think he gets it from?
She said breathlessly as if I was poking a stick at her underchimp.
I made a face and looked off to the side thoughtfully before returning my attention to her.
Maybe the missus fucked a ginger whilst I wasn't looking?
Oh. Goodness. Oh my. Um. Yes, ok then.
Hot Mommy made a face as if someone had given her an unwanted goosey goosey in the jammy dodger before hurriedly making polite goodbyes and toddling off.
Daz looked off longingly at her bottom as it squoofed back and forth into the distance. He sighed wistfully.
Well BoomDawg, looks like you've still got the moves when it comes to the ladies.
I chuckled.
Yup, I guess I do!