I was late into work this morning because of an exceptionally disturbed night with the little boom. Whether it was teething, the phase of the moon or just general badness he was up all night screaming.
Needless to say, I wasn't in the best of moods by the time I arrived at work.
With our fantastic hot desk policy, my usual desk was already taken by a serious looking grey man.
He was serious enough and unknown enough for me to leave him well be and find a seat elsewhere. Unfortunately, that seat was in the midst of a clutch of Java developers who dislike my sort intensely.
When I say my sort, I mean someone who is handsome, successful and who has obviously inserted their penis into a lady's Jeffrey on many an occasion.
One of them in particular, Bum-Chief, gave me the snark eye as I sat down.
I ignored him and plugged in my headphones before getting stuck into work.
Sometime later I noticed my laptop was running low on juice.
That's odd? I thought. It was sitting in a docking station which should be charging it. There should be no need for me to be faffing around with power cables and the like as if it were the 1980's.
Something must be wrong with the cable. With a world-weary sigh, I got up from my chair and went down on all fours to check the power cable under the desk.
As I was faffing around on my knees under the desk with the power cable for my docking station, I heard a voice.
Nice underpants, BoomDawg!
This was followed by a girlish snigger.
I pulled my head out from under the desk. It was Bum-Chief.
Eh? I beg your pardon?
Said I in some puzzlement.
Bum-Chief pointed at the waistband of my boxers which due to my under desk crawling was visible above my jeans.
I said, nice pants... You looking for a husband?
Bum-Chief snorfled with laughter.
Says the man staring at my bum and commenting on my underwear?
I made to go back under the desk.
Your pants are pink!
Yelled Bum-Chief as if he had ejaculated into a soft fruit.
They are purple actually. A light purple I grant you but purple.
I said with the suave confidence of a man wearing purple underpants.
I bet you say that to all the boys!
Crowed Bum-Chief as if he was scoring a goal in front of an appreciative crowd.
I opened my mouth to give him some snark back but was interrupted my El Jefe who had come thumping over.
What's all the noise about?
He snapped.
I pointed at Bum-Chief.
He touched my bum!
I squeaked in outrage.
Bum-Chief went pale with terror.
I didn't!! I didn't! I just said he had nice pants?!
El Jefe grimaced as if he was doing a particularly gnarly poo.
You said he had nice pants?!? What is wrong with you?
He demanded as if Bum-Chief could possibly sum that up in a few words.
Bum-Chief made an odd strangled-sounding noise.
Right. Well, bloody keep it down the pair of you... And you...
He pointed at Bum-Chief with a stern finger.
Keep your opinions on other peoples underwear to yourself in future.
He stomped off shaking his head.
I looked over at Bum-Chief and stuck my tongue out like a mature adult.
Nyah!