i-juggler

Polar Opposite, Same As Me

https://i.imgur.com/pAefHPx.jpg The next couple days flew by. It was like I was floating on a cloud. It feels so relieving to have something to look forward to....

Meeting a Man

https://i.imgur.com/Qr19i8S.jpg Something has happened. Something amazing. I can’t even. I met a man. I’m bursting just writing that. His name is Marty. I haven...

A Lack of Support

https://i.imgur.com/EtDFWtt.jpg I got a bag today from a support group for people with mood disorders. It was lime green and had the word “Humana” on it. I did ...

A Step Forward

How rapidly the tides change. I am ecstatic. I feel incredible! I finally did it. I finally broke out of my shell and let myself be free. I had sex with a man. ...

Perspective of Pain

I tossed and turned all night, unable to find any peace of mind. I wound up crying a bit, as I had done earlier yesterday. I feel so undesirable. Not only am I ...

Touched By A Stranger

It’s now Saturday night. Something happened. I feel embarrassed writing about it, but at the same time I’m not. There was a big push in the cult to teach us tha...

Trapped in My Head

https://i.imgur.com/MkqOk86.jpg It’s Saturday, and I have been alone for most of the day. I’m mostly reflecting while being productive. I keep trying to push my...

The Healing Begins

My friend and fellow juggler, Lawrence, has let me stay at his place with my two other friends, Sean and Robb. I just got back upstairs after having a slice of ...

Start of a Journey

As of a few hours ago, I am homeless. I am sitting at the local Mini Mart, trying to figure out my next move. I’m messaging people, and waiting to hear back fro...

Rebirth and Reawakening

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2016/06/06/21/28/phoenix-1440452960720.jpg Yesterday, I took four hits of LSD. The experience was more than I could possibly put i...

Denial

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/01/23/17/18/gender-2003202960720.jpg What is truth when there are lies To hide the world behind these eyes? Can’t admit; deni...

Stepping out of my comfort zone

https://i.redd.it/dkx5kbr10za11.png Today, I stepped out of my comfort zone. My intent was to go to the civic center downtown, apply for the benefits I need, an...

Stream of Consciousness 6: Ripping off the Band Aid

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2016/05/10/21/50/meditation-1384758960720.jpg I need to love myself before I can love anyone else. For so long, I’ve craved to be ...

Jesus has a voice

http://www.jesuschristsavior.net/Savior.jpeg It sounds like this: "Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump."...

Walking a Tightrope

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2018/03/20/19/49/moon-3244435960720.jpg I used to run track. I was pretty good at it. I won most of the time, and regularly put up...

Stream of Consciousness Journal 5: Resurrection

Today I went busking in my hometown of Syracuse again. This is the first time I've done this since I was taken advantage of by that cult, Earth Nation/Love Cycl...

Waking Up From Depression

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/10/27/22/03/sad-505857960720.jpg I have schizophrenia. Along with the super fun delusions that the CIA is beaming thoughts in...

God wants me to get a sex change

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/09/08/21/50/yin-2730339960720.png Last night I was browsing Reddit as my brain started to shut off in preparation for romping...

Fear and Loathing

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2012/04/14/16/43/moon-34556960720.png I’ve been afraid most of my life. There’s a story to this. My mother had AIDS and died when ...

Ghostly Fetters

https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/10/22/18/31/anxiety-2878777960720.jpg A clear sky is blue But what clouds will do Stain the heavens Rain comes from seven Sca...