brianlageose

Past Imperfect - #327

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Memory Remix: Running On Empty, Part II

Click here to peruse the first part of this story: https://steemit.com/funny/@brianlageose/memory-remix-running-on-empty-part-i Amazingly, the confession sessio...

Memory Remix: Running On Empty, Part I

Once upon a time, my family had a woody. (How’s that for a vague but potentially questionable opening line?) In the interests of fair disclosure and the avoidan...

10 Things I Learned While Shame-Walking on the Treadmill Today

1. I really hate walking on the treadmill. It’s not the treadmill’s fault. He’s really nice. It’s the concept of exercise overall. Back in the day, when I didn’...

20 Random Thoughts After Re-Watching the Very First Harry Potter Movie

1. Wow, those kids look like they’re about 6 years old. 2. Hermione was pretty bitchy back in the day. 3. Daniel Radcliffe/Harry has exactly two facial expressi...

10 Reasons Why Taking A Shower Is Just Like Real Life

1. Some like it hot. These folks reach in, turn the hot-water tap to ultra-gusher, completely ignore the cold-water tap, and then leave the settings like this f...

I Never Knew You Could Do That with a Chicken

A review of Hitchcock's 1969 film, "Topaz"... We start out with some old black-and-white footage of a military parade in Moscow’s Red Square. We know that Hitch...

10 Reasons Why Yard Work Is Not Your Friend

1. Getting the lawn mower out of the shed Once upon a time, we thought it would be really cute to convert the garage into another den, because we had too much f...

Dispatches from the Wasteland: The Turbulence of Tight Spaces

Another snippet from my work-in-progress novel, “Cruise Control”. All you really need to know: It’s the butt crack of dawn, and a massive caravan of my family m...

Flash Backward - #2: Inappropriate Social Behavior and Strange Bruises

A long time ago and far away (okay, it was eight years ago and in a neighboring town), I ran a blog series that seemed like a great idea at the time. The follow...

Past Imperfect - #345

Evelyn: “What on earth are you doing in my apartment? And why are you holding my diaphragm case?” Inspector: “Is that what this is? I thought maybe you were col...

Entering Stage Left: A Misguided Desecration of Proper Social Behavior

Brian was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma on a cold January day in 1965. Clearly, the odds were already against him. But he persevered, slugging through this and that, ...

Dispatches from the Wasteland: Passion Flowers

Note: This is an excerpt from another book-in-progress, one concerning a family cruise in the Caribbean. All you really need to know is that Tiffany is my best ...

10 New Phrases That You Should Add to Your Vocabulary Immediately

1. Frigi-Daze The concept of opening the refrigerator and staring forlornly at the contents, unable to make a decision about what it is that you want to shove i...

A Totally Random History of America – Part I

2000 B.C. - 999 A.D.: The Native Americans live peaceably for thousands of years. Sure, a few of the tribes were a bit violent, but this pales in comparison to ...