I ponder a lot. It is too slow to be called thinking. My slow, ponderous thoughts can be better described as pondering. When I ponder my thoughts often turn to the past. Life has been good thus far and I love remembering special moments. My wife walking down the aisle. My children's births and many of their firsts. Praying with my grandmother. Many of the occasions where I had the privilege of introducing a person to Jesus. Walking the streets of New York. Conversations with my mom. The list continues on and on. It is good to treasure our memories.
What memories do you treasure? Ponder on often?
During these musings, I often think about the decisions I made in specific situations. And I second-guess myself. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I do not just question the decisions that led to a negative result. The goal is improvement and I re-visit even the decisions I deem to have been the right ones. Hopefully, this will help me to make better decisions should I ever encounter similar situations.
In this way, I often discover things I could have or should have done in situations. Sometimes I stumble across something I could have attempted or enjoyed in a given situation. But I missed out on it because I was too focussed on a specific aspect or too panicked about another. Thus I often think these words: 'If only...' If only I had done this. Or enjoyed that. Or spent a little more time on that.
It is not a sad train of thought filled with frustrating remorse. It is just a discovery. If only... I could have... That would have been great, but I missed it in the moment.
The lesson I learnt from this is simply this. I can do nothing about the past but I can be more aware in my current moment or situation. It would be awesome if I could discover the things I'm missing while I'm in the moment. To accomplish this it is important to pause every now and then to consider what 'If only' will I discover when I look back on this moment or this situation.
No one will ever be able to have 20/20 vision in any given situation. It may not be fully possible even with hindsight but it would be great to improve my peripheral vision and just be more aware in any situation.
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