redefinition

sometimes you just need a break from the rest of the world.
no one to report to, no one to impress.
i often live in my own world.
i escape reality.
i find refuge in films.
i find refuge in books.
i find refuge in sleep.
i find refuge hiding in my room, protected from the world.
as if i could live in this shell for the rest of my life.
why have i stopped making connections?
is it strange that one could have a thousand mates but no best friend?
should we make an effort looking for a best friend now?
moving around so much makes you realize friends come and go.
days come and go. different characters in this bizarre world waltz into your life,
and inevitably leave. what matters is that you make each encounter meaningful.
of course, i wouldn't live in this shell for the rest of my life.
home is where the heart is.
my heart is with me.
so i could make a home anywhere.
my plan? at this point, is to not settle down.
i don't understand how people can be so grounded,
and know what they want so early in life.
i always feel that there is a free spirit within me,
just longing to be catapulted into that crazy, scary world out there.
i've lived in a sort of bubble all my life.
i want to find out what it's like to really be out in the open,
without any ammunition, armor, anything - just me.
trying to make a living.
i understand that i have to give up my lavish habits.
such contradicting forces - my love for the luxurious lifestyle and my passion for unravelling the truths in life.
i adore all the delights one can get from nibbling macaroons while drinking darjeeling tea in paris;
dancing in a gorgeous oscar de la renta number in milan;
racing that ferrari down sunset boulevard.

how superficial i sound. but it's true that i enjoy and would enjoy such activities.
but there's always that darker force pulling and tugging my shirt.
that force that longs to break this silly bubble,
and see the world from a different perspective.
then hopefully, make a difference so more people could have a shot in life.
get to reach the first rung of the development ladder.
but i don't think i'm serious and disciplined enough to do such things at this point though.
of course, i need to work on that. and perhaps, maturity could make the transition easier.
bottom line is, i want to wander, search and learn before it's time to settle down.
who knows when i will do that. maybe never. maybe earlier than i thought.
but if there's one thing that i'm certain of, is that i want a large family.
like five kids kind of large. i'll raise them somewhere in france, just outside of paris.
and own my own boutique, cafe, tea parlor, gallery, travel shop, restaurant and bar.
where young local artists could showcase their works.
i'd write a novel before i die.
i'd make my own film.
perfect the art of cooking.
support the local community, if possible, a larger community.

i need to be strong. be the main pillar in my loved ones' lives.
tolerate, forgive, and give selfless love...
i'll travel. around the world.
who knows for how long. as long as the heart wants.
cut off all financial aid. we depend on ourselves and maybe steemit.
find our own gigs here and there.
observe. learn. adapt.
whoever would like to jump on this bandwagon, let me know -
i'll be here.