https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U42WY3FFsk8
Assuming you've been on the receiving end of a compliment at some point on your life, you know that when someone makes you feel good, it tends to make you enjoy the conversation a lot more. It's a deceptively simple tactic to improving conversation and one that can be employed in pretty much any social situation.
The basic idea here is to compliment the person you're talking to and make them feel good about themselves. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion author Dr. Robert Cialdini offers two pieces of advice for doing this:
Give Honest Compliments. It may not be easy, especially if the person has been distancing themselves from you for a while. But if you’re objective, they probably have some qualities you admire. If you take a positive action and compliment them, it may well break the ice and make them re-evaluate their perceptions of you.
Ask for Their Advice. Cialdini notes this strategy—which involves asking for their professional advice, book suggestions, etc.—comes from Founding Father Ben Franklin, a master of politics and relationship building. “Now you’ve engaged the rule of commitment and consistency,” says Cialdini, in which they look at their actions (giving you advice or a book) and draw a conclusion from it (they must actually like you), a surprisingly common phenomenon in psychology.
The best part? According to a study published in the Journal of Marketing Research, you don't even have to offer sincere compliments. When most people receive a compliment, even an insincere one, they immediately feel better about themselves and the conversation as a whole. So, break the ice by complimenting a tie, admire a well thought out argument, or praise an idea.
Of course, when someone actually offers you a compliment, it can be hard to accept it without being awkward. In that case, The Art of Manliness has you covered:
The first step in quitting the faux modesty of the compliment deflection routine is to realize that fully accepting compliments does not make you conceited. You didn’t come up with the praise yourself, someone else did! You’re just confirming another person’s assessment, and again, it’s more polite to accept and appreciate their judgment rather than to contradict it.
Second, it’s okay to let yourself feel proud of something you did well. A little pride need not involve an inflated sense of your accomplishments or worthy qualities – just an honest assessment of what you did. It’s quite possible to be modest, while still being grateful and gracious. So what’s the best response to a compliment? Get ready for it…”Thank you.” That’s it. There’s never a situation where a simple, unadorned thank you won’t work.
That's it. Just politely say "thanks," and move along. It's a lot easier than many of us make it out to be!
You've likely heard before that one of the most important facets of good conversation is being a good listener, but it's more than just sitting around listening to the other person talk. In reality, you need to know how to listen and then respond in a way that demonstrates you're contributing to the conversation. This is referred to as active listening.
We've mentioned active listening before and the basics are pretty simple. You should listen, make comments that show you're paying attention, repeat back key sections, and ask questions that move the discussion forward. Forbes describes active listening like so:
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Active listening is all about capturing and truly understanding the messages another person is sending. It includes assessing nonverbal as well as verbal messages. A person’s posture, tone of voice and facial expressions is all examples of nonverbal messages. Active listening also entails understanding the context—the current situation, the person’s and scenarios backstory and the person’s expectations
Essentially, you want to pay attention and respond to everything, from the words coming out a person's mouth to their nonverbal cues. Then respond by paraphrasing and reflecting the conversation back to keep it moving forward productively. It's a lot more difficult than it sounds, but it's a great way to make people on both sides of the conversation walk away with a better understanding of everything that's discussed.