I am a huge fan of people taking care of their mental health. I realize that for some people, journaling helps them to take care of themselves. Awesome! Self care is not selfish.
But every once in a while I read something and say, "Your solution is right there! You actually have it! You identified the problem. Showed you understand and even mentioned the solution... and then you promptly did nothing." It doesn't make me angry... wait. I need to use "I" statements. When I read these types of journals, I do not feel angry. When I read a complaint or call for help that includes the exact solution to the complaint or problem, I feel frustrated and sad. Actually I probably feel frustrated because I am sad for the person who is suffering. It's kind of like in a scary movie when you want to scream at someone not to go in the dark basement or when someone is heading right for a buzz saw. Look out!
Somehow Yahoo tricked me into reading an article titled, "I told my husband I felt alone and he listed everything he provides—and that’s when it hit me we weren’t even having the same conversation." Damn Algorithm! It somehow knew I love my wife and want to make sure I am not making her feel alone. Wait. "I" statements. That she does not feel alone when I behave certain ways.
Here's a summary of the article: "A woman tells her partner she feels lonely, hoping for emotional connection. He responds by listing everything he provides... house, security, vacation... believing that’s what love looks like. She realizes they’re speaking different “languages”: she’s asking for presence and emotional intimacy, while he equates love with practical provision. Despite his efforts, he can’t give what she truly needs, leaving her feeling unseen and exhausted from trying to explain. Now she’s left questioning whether a relationship without emotional connection is enough, even if everything else is."
I totally get it. She feels alone. She is not getting the emotional support/connection from her husband. She even acknowledges that it is not his fault. He loves her. He cares. He is just ignorant of how she feels. He flat out doesn't understand. He is not doing it on purpose. he is not doing it out of lack of caring. He just doesn't understand. She even perfectly describes the situation. They are speaking different languages. She needs to translate for him.
So freaking translate for him!!!!! I can't believe how frustrated I got reading this article. It seems that the woman got tired of trying to translate her language to his language. And yes he could have also tried to translate her language to his language... but the problem is that he does not freaking understand! How can he translate when he doesn't know what the question is?! She knows. She has the tools to take her feelings and put them into words, pictures, actions that her husband understands. But she is just giving up! I don't know these people but I do know that love takes work. You have to put in time and effort to a relationship... which is ironically what she is complaining about not happening.
maybe there were bigger problems than just this one she related in the article. Maybe this was a symptom of another bigger problem. But she never said that in the article so I need to assume this was THE issue. And if it is the issue, then go to Google and type in "I feel lonely in my relationship with my husband. He does not understand this. I need a list of things I can do to help him to understand this." Wait. I just did. Here's what it said:
That took me 10 seconds to do. Guess the relationship wasn't worth that ten seconds.
Or here's another wild idea... go see a therapist!
Anyway I really do wish the best for this woman and her husband. But I really feel this is a case of...
