What Feels Like a Burden Right Now? And What Am I Doing About It?

2025-05-14T21:41:12
Lately, I've found myself buried under something I never expected would weigh so heavily as a minimalist screen addiction. It didn’t sneak in quietly either. It came as a form of revenge, believe it or not. Let's say I wasn't thinking right, I just wanted him to taste what it feels like to be ignored.
Earlier this year, something shifted in my marriage. My husband became glued to his phone, I mean glued. Morning to night, even while eating, even in bed—his phone was his constant companion. I’d try to talk to him about things that mattered to me, to us, but all I’d get was a distracted “hmm” or complete silence while his eyes stayed fixed on the screen. His phone had 100% more attention than I received.
At first, I was furious, I tried talking about it but the more I talked about it the more it got worse. I was always jealous of the attention his phone gets but instead of addressing the hurt again, I made a mistake: I mirrored his behavior. I thought, If he won’t give me attention, I won’t give him mine. So I threw myself into my phone too—TikTok, Facebook reels, endless YouTube videos. It was petty, yes, but I wanted him to have a taste what I felt.
Over time, it worked—but in the worst way. He started craving my attention again, noticing the distance I had created. But by then, I had already gone too deep into streaming. What began as payback turned into a habit I couldn’t shake off. My phone became a comfort, a distraction, and a trap.
It cost me my emotions, mental health, even finance, it’s been draining. I've spent over #50,000(31.24$) on data alone since February till date, I subscribe #3500(2.18$) weekly funny enough it finishes before the end of the week. That money would have solved real problems in our home. Instead, it went into mindless scrolling and streaming. Worse still, it nearly made me fail an important exam because of the excessive time spent on streaming.
I used to value simplicity and intentional living. I even promised myself that after a certain subscription, I’d stop. But I kept going, telling myself “just one more week” or “just one more video.” Meanwhile, time, money, and my peace were gradually slipping away.
So now, I’m fighting to reclaim my life, little by little. Here’s what I’m doing to break free:
  1. Downloading the tik tok app was my biggest time sink. I spent nearly 60% of my time there. Removing the app was a big but necessary step to ending this habit. The app wasn't that important, I could do without it
  2. Instead of topping up weekly, I’ve switched to a strict monthly plan. If it finishes early, too bad for me because I won't be subscribing until the next month. That boundary keeps me mindful of how much I stream.
  3. I’m making it a practice to be present with my son and husband. No phone during our bonding time. Just us.
  4. I will try to have two or three hours every day where my phone stays out of reach, no notifications, no distractions. I would use that time to read, reflect, or just be.
  5. I told a close friend about my struggle, and she checks in weekly to see how I’m doing. Just knowing someone is rooting for me keeps me honest.
Breaking a habit is not easy. It's always easier to fall in than climb out. But I’m learning that small, consistent changes matter. I’m more willing to work it out.

Thanks for stopping by 💕

All images are mine.

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