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When I hear the word judge, I first think of someone with a whistle and someone who decides who is right and who is wrong. But today I realize that the harshest judge is actually the one in my head. That inner judge comments on everything. When I do something wrong, he immediately plays a foul. When I do something well he is often silent. And it's interesting how biased he is. He can turn one small mistake into proof that "I'm not good enough" and declare ten good things to be a coincidence. Psychology says it's because of the negative bias because the brain remembers the bad more than the good. But knowing it and changing it are not the same.
I've noticed that when I'm too hard on myself, I start putting things off, like I don't want to go out on the field because I know the referee can't wait to call the penalty. Or I'm working too hard trying to finally get some inner validation. The solution I try to implement is simple: I stop and ask myself - would I judge someone I love like this? In 90% of cases the answer is no. I may not be able to silence the inner judge, but I can teach it to be fairer. And that changes the game. Because life is not a problem to be condemned but a process to be understood.