Pushing bundaries ? Yes I did

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did it, I did it, I did it!

What have I done that makes me so happy and makes me want to celebrate so loudly?

Before telling you about this famous exit from my comfort zone, you should know that I am one of those very anxious people who need a secure framework to function properly, secure rituals and habits, etc. .... So sometimes it doesn't take much for me to finally get out of my comfort zone. This time was like jumping into the void without a net for me and I had no idea how I was going to manage it, without any anxiety medication or extra help.

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On November 10, 2023 I was in the lounges of Orly airport, waiting patiently for my plane to be announced and for me to board. It seems commonplace for anyone who travels regularly, but for me the last time I had been on a plane was 45 years ago and the memory I had of it was that of a mother in a panic, shouting at each air pocket that we were all going to die....

So I was in the corridors, accompanied by my mother, if, if I even dared to do it with the person who a few years ago had traumatised me.
As usual, I could feel my body "disconnecting" from reality, my muscles hardening, my breathing becoming blocked, my thoughts running in a loop. I know these sensations by heart and over the years I have learned to deal with them or keep them at bay.
I would focus on the people, how they were dressed, what they were doing, and then I would look at the shops, oh look at the champagne um I love champagne. In short, I was trying to drown my brain and above all I was avoiding the thought that in a few minutes I would be sitting in a small seat, under a plane suspended miles above the ground, I was having a hard time as they say!

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Boarding: don't let my heart get carried away, otherwise I won't be able to take the flight, talk, especially talk, don't think, don't flinch, don't .....
A stewardess was there at the entrance, talking: I warned her that it was my first flight, that I was very anxious, that I had no idea how I would react.
Her answer was most pleasant: "my seat is right next to yours, I will spend the whole flight sitting next to you, don't worry". What luck!

She held my hand as I took off as I practiced breathing, calming my restless mind, and then after that awkward moment we started talking.
I asked her questions, she explained to me all the sensations one could feel in an airplane, the kind of "vertigo" that is normal once in the air, the noises and movements of the airplane and even when she was at the other end on duty, she was waving to me to let me know if it was an air hole, a bend, etc...

I wouldn't say that I had a good flight because I was still in a trance, but what I do know is that life supported me in my effort by putting this hostess on my way!

My mother was very surprised to see me so talkative and brave that day.

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Strong from this experience, the return flight was totally different, I was still a little apprehensive, however far from an anxiety attack. No air hostess to comfort me this time, a brand new and safe plane on the other hand.

The takeoff, the air holes, the jolts, the turns, the landing, all this was known, I took advantage of this flight to relax as much as possible, meditate and put an anchor on this state of calm that I felt .

I did it, yes I did it and above all I'm proud to have been so brave, it's an experience that gave me confidence in my ability to get out of my comfort zone and confort me in the fact that life is always supporting us.

This was my entry for the WEEK 146 - Weekend-Engagement by @galenkp



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On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux - Le Petit Prince - Antoine de saint Exupéry

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