Shadow

Why do i do this everytime ?
How did i get here?
Nobody else makes me this angry
What causes the volcano that erupts when i am with her?
I am not a violent person,
With everyone else i am gentle,
I hate that in a minute i go from laughing to my hands slamming her head to the wall.
I hate the way she looks at me after, full of hate, angst and fear,
I hate the pain and guilt i feel ,
Searing from guts to my soul
My subconscious screaming at her to fight back
Make me stop,please
I beg,
It isn't that hard,
I did it once before, i stood up for myself,
When will you reach your breaking point?
Isn't it enough?
Why won't you fight?
Because i have tried,
My brain knows this is abuse,
My heart screams this is wrong
But my legs still kick her down
And my hand still stings,
This anger that belies
The very action that blows my top today if not done
By tomorrow if done will cause an avalanche of fists
Anger management classes feel useless when the demon in me takes over,
And so i watch as i the victim become the beast,
As the guilt fades
And my daughter becomes the woman i once was
A shadow.

Picture from aitonlinetv