My grandmother did crosswords, watched The Young and the Restless, and tended to that garden that I was too young to realize was remarkable. She was young—I could feel it—but aged by circumstance. She wasn’t happy. Never was. Never was.
Some grandmothers knit.
Some bake cookies for their grandkids.
Oh, how wonderful my grandmother’s and mother’s cookies were.
They had people around- grown kids visiting and grandkids too. Neighbours.
They didn’t grow up on video games. “Mario” was just an ethnic name from far away.
I was born in 1980—the first of the console babies. Video games had been around for years, but I was part of the first mainstream generation. I remember two buttons. I remember fighting with siblings because they deleted my nearly finished Zelda.
I did learn to knit. I did watch soaps. And I love baking and cleaning. And I do like crosswords.
https://unsplash.com/photos/person-in-black-and-white-sweater-writing-on-white-paper-GxJ5B_1qSbs
Then I read that by forty one shouldn’t play video games anymore. Kids say this. Kids—tall kids, nonetheless—but still, kids.
What they don’t understand is that we older adults grew up this way. We didn’t just grow up with video games—some of us (not me, but some) made them.
I’m a single mother, living in a world where people don’t drop by. I have no grandkids. My daughter is barely 18. Sorry she didn’t have a baby at 16 like my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother did.
Who the hell am I supposed to be knitting for? And why? It’s not like the world is short on textiles—we’re drowning in fabric trash.
Grandmothers used to knit out of necessity. They baked because food was scarce and family was near. None of that feels relevant today. Not relevant to me.
And yet, I’m supposed to “be 45.” But that doesn’t mean what it used to. And I’ll be damned (yes, I love old phrases) if I’m going to accept what these little tall children tell me who I’m supposed to be.
I’m alone. I’m lonely—like many, maybe most. I have no grandkids, no neighbours dropping in for coffee. I’m not great at knitting, though I like it. I just… don’t want to.
I grew up dancing, listening to music, playing video games—and if the kids think we’re too old for that, well… I’ll wait for them to grow up and figure it out.
I'm not going to let big children tell me who I'm meant to be. History neither, thy.
Thank you for reading.