I am finding it hard to get into the groove of work today, even though I know I am falling behind on a couple things that I expect, are going to take longer than I expect them to take. If that makes sense. Often, I predict about how long something will take me and then I end up being wrong, or I fail to factor in changes to the schedule. I have been getting better with this over the last few years and am taking the "no time like the present" approach more often.
More often - but not often enough.
Focus seems to be the issue today, where my mind feels "unsettled" in some way and when I try to concentrate on the job at hand, it doesn't stick. Focus has always been an issue for me, but it has been exacerbated in recent years as it takes energy to do the simplest of tasks, so the more complex tasks have less energy available for them.
A long time ago, I was reading about the Australian cricket team and how they trained members to not focus when they didn't have to. Instead of being switched on all day, they would turn off when they weren't involved in the game. When they had to concentrate, they shifted all energy in that direction and then immediately turned it off again when not needed. They estimated that the average person has about 45 minutes of pure focal attention a day and this would be burned up during a normal day of play. Then they would recharge over night, to do it again the next day. They said it didn't matter much if it was used in a solid block or spread throughout - the amount was finite.
This makes sense to me and is likely a big part of my tiredness, as even the simple tasks are not that simple, because nearly all require some kind of active thought, whereas earlier many were automated and running on default settings. It is hard to explain, but it is like doing a math problem constantly in the background, while trying to work another task in the fore - whether that be in the workplace, in the garden, or playing with my child.
While this is hard for me, it does have its benefits, as I am far less attached to my habits than I was earlier and have also started changing my expectations about my own behaviors and results. I have also become even less concerned with what people think of me, as even though I am painfully aware of my shortcomings, I accept that they don't have any idea of what I am going through. This doesn't mean that I am setting the bar low.
Instead, the conditions have brought me a fresh perspective on life, forcing me to rethink what is valuable to me and where I should be putting my attention and focus - when I have some to put, that is. What I have noticed is that while there is plenty of bad, there is also some good and there is also some green, new possibilities to leverage. For instance, as I am less reactive, I have also become more open and forward in my interactions with people, which has been both welcomed and, come as a surprise to some people.
I have always been open with my thoughts, but have been far more guarded with my emotions. Even now, I don't just blurt them out for the world to see without thinking about consequence, but I am more willing to choose to show more, rather than choosing to hide them. It is still a choice for the most part however, because I am one of those "old-fashioned" people who believe that our emotions are ours and if we can't control them, we don't own them.
And, I have also become more flexible, which is a good thing, as I could can be as stubborn as hell, especially when I believe I am right, which is most of the time. The flexibility allows me to be a bit more open to listen and, a little bit more open to changing my own behaviors, because I don't have the feeling that I have to be quite as perfect as I thought I had to be earlier.
This is a response to stress perhaps, where the energy to cope with the changed conditions has to come from somewhere, otherwise, the grass will dry, catch alight and I will burnout. I don't plan on burning out in this life, until my time is done - but that is getting increasingly hard it seems, with so many people I know from all kinds of different life circumstances, struggling. For it to be such a common occurrence in society, there has to be global factors at play and there are likely many reasons for it.
Much of it does come down to expectations about the world, but I think that a lot of it is about what we expect from ourselves in this world, which is largely driven by how we want people to see us. Social expectation and conformity has always been there, but it has been taken to more of an extreme with social networks filled with networked strangers, "branding" themselves for an audience that doesn't actually care about them and will dispose of them easily.
We have productized ourselves and, that makes us disposable.
If we as individuals don't start taking the responsibility for our own mental health, I think that we are going to have major issues in the coming years, because as more fail, the more pressure gets put on us all and more of us will fail. We are in a chain reaction network and one collapse is going to lead to the next, like a contagion. Looking at our own good, bad and ugly, we might discover that there are some opportunities for fresh too, bringing a little green into our lives, growing, rather than burning ourselves down.
I don't want to work today...
Maybe it is a growth opportunity though.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
