I think the picture represents my mind at the moment rather well - A mess.
For the next couple days I will be training full-day Administrator training sessions remotely, which isn't likely to be a great deal of fun for anyone, though I will try my best to spice it up, without cocking it up too much. My ability to focus keeps degrading and this will be quite an intensive delivery, so I am not sure how I am going to manage - but manage I must.
Sometimes there is just no option but to "soldier on" so to speak and perhaps it is a good thing to be forced into doing what would otherwise be avoided if it could. Maybe if we always had the choice to skip having to act when we aren't at our best, we will never increase what our best is as we won't put ourselves into positions where we have to stretch too far.
Of course, it would be nice to have a little respite from time to time and 2020 has felt more like the year of "Fission" than *vision, * where everything has been split into two multiple times and we are all living in a fragmented world of what was, trying to find a new normal. But the new normal seems to be much like my mind, a garbage dump.
Do I sound negative?
I am not really negative, but I am worn down a little and my nerves are a little more frayed than they usually would be. I think that this is due to the compounding effect of all the unusual circumstances coming together, with no sign of slowing down. It is good to remember though, nothing lasts forever and one way or another, circumstances will change.
I figure the trick is to do ones best in the dips, so that the peaks are higher, then use those peaks to invest into a new floor so that the next round of dips isn't as deep. I keep failing at this though, as while I am pretty good in the dips, I don't capitalize enough on the peaks and instead just ride them back into the depths.
There are the people who are only willing to participate when the sun shines, I might be more the opposite, where I tend to perform in the mud. I should probably work on that - there is no point in having a cycle of life that never sees the sunshine - or gets to enjoy the moon. To be effective, one has to be able to cope in a wide range of conditions, the downside and the up.
This week I will try to get to the hospital for the blood tests to check my thyroid function, which will hopefully inform how I should proceed with my medication, but it takes a long time for it to have an effect and, it is a bit trial and error so, it can take even longer. But, at least I know what is going on as for over a decade, I had no idea why I was feeling and acting the way I was and I think that was the worst part of it, the not knowing.
But, I don't think 2020 has been a complete write-off, as even though there is one pressure after another on many of us, those who do make it through might not only be more appreciative of the better times, but be better able to cope with them and use them to shore up the next round. I have a feeling that any recovery is going to be short-lived, with the global negative cycles increasing in frequency until the system collapses completely.
It seems that a reset is inevitable and while it is engineered to be a controlled burn for those with the matches to benefit, I think it is going to be more akin to wildfire spreading through dry grass. We are a social tinderbox waiting for a spark to ignite and we haven't seen anything yet. I could be wrong, but I think it is more a matter of time than an if it will happen.
Like any economic collapse - they always happen again as that is the way the system is designed - Designed to fail. The only thing that changes is the duration and severity - and I think that the next is going to be long and severe. Or at least, severe. Perhaps it will be so catastrophic that it will be short lived and force a massive shift, but that would require the quick implementation of a solution to replace the system and I don't think that is going to happen, even if there would be options ready to deliver.
I guess at times like these, it is normal for people to go into their shell more and concentrate on their own needs to a greater degree, but I wonder if this is like the avoidance of the difficult, a choice not to stretch ourselves. Although, with limited personal resources, it is easy to over stretch and become spread to thin, which doesn't effectively help anyone anyway. Is it better for everyone to have something if no one has enough to do anything of consequence?
Well, I will get back to this later as I finish off the slide deck for tomorrow's sessions and mentally prepare for the expected onslaught of questions I am unable to answer. But, at least I can take notes and find out - It is better to know, than remain blind - even if the path of discovery is messy.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]