Computer Love – 101
Ayana Lucas
In many ways, social media serves as a platform for dating. We are exposed to millions of people across the world who we can connect with who share similar interest as us which becomes evidently clear through our profiles, liked pages, photo albums that share memories and activities with our friends and family, as well as our mutual friends. Online dating can be extremely rewarding when healthy communication skills are utilized. With so many virtual nonverbal communication tactics used on social media such as emojis and meme’s, we often forget about the physical and spiritual beings that we’re actually communicating with behind the screens. Lets explore some of the many ways the film Catfish teaches viewers effect and non-effective healthy online communication.
In the film, Catfish, Nev meets and grows fond of a young woman who he believes is named Megan however eventually learns is a woman named Angela who lives thousands of miles from his New York home in a small town called Ishpeming in Michigan. The relationship between the two quickly escalates and turns romantic as they began to get to know each other. They talk and text often and even get close with each other’s family and friends. In chapter 4 of the text we learn that nonverbal communication often conveys more than verbal communication does due to the many nonverbal channels. Although Nev and Angela were able to use nonverbal channels such as use of time and tone in voice, Nev could have avoided being deceived by Angela if he had the opportunity to connect with who he believed was Megan in a more personal way, whether it is Facetime or Skype, or even on the phone speaking more often. Not only would this given him the chance to realize Megan was not who she said she was but it would have also given him the chance to communicate and connect more effectively, something that is important for all evolving relationships, but especially those formed online.
Another way online dating can be rewarding when healthy communication skills are utilized is by communicating respectfully and honestly. The friends we make online are still people and should be respected and valued as such. Therefore, it’s extremely important that while forming friendships online, either romantic or platonic, that they’re free of stereotypes and cultural biases and assumptions which are seen as barriers to communication. Skillsyouneed.com reported that biases and assumptions are one of the number one reasons people have difficulty communicating effectively. In the film, Angela admitted to Nev that she was afraid to be honest with Nev because she assumed he wouldn’t accept her. Although Nev and Angela didn’t continue with a romantic online relationship, the two remained Facebook friends even after the show. Her assumption was incorrect and Nev was accepting of her truth.
Last but certainly not the least, while interacting online, it’s important for users to understand what face-to-face needs are. Page 74 of the text explains that everyone has a desired image and way that we want to be perceived by others and we achieve that desired image by the way we communicate. This is especially true when interacting online. Angela created a false life in order to be seen as a beautiful young woman who should be desired. If users approach online social communicating with the knowledge of face-to-face needs we’re able to have a more realistic approach to communicating with those we’ve never physically met. While communicating online has its perks, it’s through physical interactions that we’re able to most accurately sense one’s energy.
Meeting friends online has many rewards, we can meet more people we share much in common with and we’re able to connect with those that without the internet, would be impossible to connect with Connecting is fun, however, connecting intentionally in respectful, honest, unbiased, and personally way holds rewards that can last a lifetime.