Sometimes I feel like people become less and less interested in me as time goes by. As an artist, as a self employed person who relies on generating interest in order to generate an income, this would probably leas to an existential crisis if I let it, but I am stronger than that now, and I see that things are more complex than that.

Have you ever had two similar expereriences that were almost the same but felt completely different?Your favorite dish hits different when you are really in the mood for it. There’s a song you don’t really like at first but once you hear it a third or fourth time you finally feel it.

I have a habit of trying to engage in deep conversation with people wherever possible. Since I was young, I always had a dislike for small talk. I didn't know how to explain it to other people other than to call it a dislike of things devoid of meaning.

Sometimes Tokyo feels a bit numbing, people tend not to look at you on the street or in shops. A complete lack of acknowledgment. It’s just a matter of of course here.It may not feel that way to tourist visiting because they’re in sightseeing mode, they hardly speak the language and they are a bit of an atteaction for locals, but once you start building a life here, it can ironically feel extremely less welcoming….alienating, not specifically as a foreigner, but just as a resident.

Sometimes I have to ask myself if I really am at war with the world, if my desire to frame things peacefully is a form of denial. It’s clear that society sees me as a defect. I belong to many groups in a sense but truly I belong to none. I never wanted to lead or follow and so it’s left me homeless with many place I can stay. I am welcome everywhere but feel at home no where. No one speaks my language, and I don’t get the sense that they want to now that I have stopped trying to pander to them.

When the inspiration comes, you know the time has come. If excitement follows easily, then you just follow it. If it doesn’t, quiet your mind and ask what would make you feel just 2% better than you feel right now. Kee doing that until things feel good. Do what feels good so long as it’s done with good intention and the ability to look honestly at yourself and the world and the results of your actions.