"I'm bringing penguins," Jamie says in the group WhatsApp when we’re organizing what to bring for our family Christmas dinner. "Penguins?" they ask, utterly puzzled. We didn’t reply. Some things are best left myserious and suprising, don't you think?

Lately I've been referring to my father as 'ghost dad'. It's kinda fun I suppose, a counter to the sadness of his absence, but also in a way that makes him more present. If I can just have a brief conversation with my imaginary Dad, I can then move on to other things.

Normally on Christmas Eve I'd be making something for our family dinner (we have German roots, plus it's convenient for us all to keep this eve tradition - everyone scatters to different families on Christmas Day). Jamie would clear out coz he hates Christmas jingles, and so do I most of the year. But gimme a bit of Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra and Louis Armstrong whilst I tidy and cook and I feel cheerful.

I love travelling, but for the last few years, I feel utterly sick in the two days before we go - sometimes even two weeks. It's a sense of overwhelm, my head going through all the things that must be done, from the minute (don't forget the eggs, don't forget to turn off the hot water) to the larger - I need to tidy up the chook pen and make sure the garden is soaked. I honestly feel like I'm going to vomit even writing this post. There's little reason for it, but there's certainly a lot of rhyme - my body has been somehow trained to repeat the same patterns of anxiety just before we go away.

I know it's a little late for this topic—but I don’t suppose it matters. A memory is a memory, and does not stick to deadlines. I’ve been contemplating my favorite childhood book ever since @ericvanwalton posted the topic, but I haven’t been able to write, as how is it possible to choose? But there’s one that I keep returning to again and again, so I guess that’s the one that made the most impression on me.

What a long journey it's been. If we never see another sheet of plywood again it'll be too soon. But, despite the hard slog, we feel pretty happy that it's finished and it's all better than expected. First of all, these cupboards give us much room. Unlike the last iteration, they go straight down to the floor and extend most of the way back, with a benchtop on top as we can now stand up in there. We decided against an indoor cooker and sink as you just don't need it in this country - most cooking is done outside and if the weather is bad we can always bring the spirit stove inside. We also went with hinges on the outside which makes it a LOT stronger.