Leaders in the Gaza Strip have offered to spare some of the copious humanitarian aid flowing into the territory. Riyadh, January 14 - Middle East states with few or no rivers, and with only the capacity of desalination plants and overtaxed aquifers, have sent messages to Southern California counties struggling to contain massive blazes - messages with expressions solidarity, but also making available their vastly superior aquatic resources for those Californian locales to help extinguish the blazes.

The Knesset contains nothing but a collection of self-important, narcissistic, short-sighted, bloviating clowns. Jerusalem, January 13 - Important officials from abroad no longer consider the legislature of the Jewish State a destination of any importance, conversations with various diplomats revealed this week, since that body's role in legislation and oversight has been almost entirely supplanted by the judiciary.

Other shapes, even if available, do not offer the versatility and efficiency of the triangle in battlefield situations. Jabaliya, January 12 - Israel's restrictions on materials that may enter the Gaza Strip have put a strain on terrorist logistics there, with the most acute lack the supply of small red shapes to place just above images of IDF soldiers or vehicles in "Resistance" footage, local sources disclosed today.

"He has moments of lucidity; he gets this look of abject horror." Washington, January 9 - Aides to the lame-duck chief executive have no intention of telling him that he has vacated his position come January 20th, insiders disclosed today, instead allowing him to assume that he has taken just one more extended vacation to Delaware.

"We will only approve architectural designs that make a normal person question his own sanity, if not actually vomit." Tel Aviv, January 8 - City officials nixed the proposed plans for a new residential and office tower in Israel's financial and cultural capital today, noting that nothing about the structure offers anything bizarre, quirky, avant-garde, or just plain ugly, and therefore does not qualify for approval.

Carter's position as a former leader of the free world and member of the Slander Israel Club necessitated a level of detail that requires a special appointment. Hades, January 7 - Stygian sources disclosed today that former US President Jimmy Carter's passing took place later than its original schedule because Gehenna's system for registering and processing newcomers experienced significant challenges amid a surge of Islamist terrorists requiring admission, which taxed the system beyond its recommended capacity.