by Jackson Hinkle Moscow, April 3 - Monitoring and alerting the world to the nefarious machinations of the Hebrew menace takes up most of my day; the work at once challenges and energizes me. As vigorous as it can make me, however, I still must give due attention to scheduling considerations, and cannot, I must concede, ever hope to produce a comprehensive picture of the economic, cultural, political, and social hegemony that those Christ-killers aim to achieve and exercise, since those endeavors span such a vast swath of our world. Instead, I have decided, in the interest of brevity and efficiency, to point to those few areas where no such Hebraic hegemonic ambitions have (so far) become evident.

Prominent evangelicals are among the most enthusiastic and most assertive Zionists. Jerusalem, April 1 - Israel's prime minister, facing dire electoral prospects amid a war that caught his administration unprepared, began inquiries this week as to the possibility of expanding the franchise to a more robust support base: American fundamentalist Christians.

Some versions of the offer also included safe passage out of Gaza. Khan Yunis, March 31 - A resident of this southern city justified his and his fellow Palestinians' refusal to help Israel free its citizens from Hamas captivity in exchange for instant wealth, by explaining that the amount on offer did not quite reach the threshold where the effort would be worth it, but had the amount gone slightly higher, he would be happy to offer information on the captives' whereabouts.

**Guests expect a standard of tidiness to which the household has long aspired but rarely achieved. ** Jerusalem, March 27 - A family that in its current life stage no longer needs its unoccupied bedroom considered using it to generate some cash by transforming it into short-term accommodations, but backed away from the idea, they disclosed today, when it dawned on them that maintaining the necessary level of hygiene lies some distance beyond their capabilities.

They increased exponentially one the Muslim world got involved. Tel Aviv, March 26 - Researchers projected today that the number of words in passages that antisemites invent but purport to copy from the main corpus of the Jewish Oral Law, to illustrate the ostensible disdain, animus, and ill intentions that Jewish tradition directs at non-Jews, will, sometime before the middle of this century, outnumber the approximately three million words in the actual corpus.

by Shifra Rubin Jerusalem, March 25 - Less than four weeks till Passover. We really need to get a move on, getting rid of all the grain products. I've already gone through the fridge, the freezer, and the pantry, and made a list of the remaining chametz. Everyone pay attention, and try to think of ways we can use each of them. Anyone want any of the hamantaschen? No? Not even the chocolate-filled ones? Ah, well, you'll eat them tomorrow, right?