Childbearing| The Financial Outlook


One of the reasons I dreaded being a father at a young age, was the fear of continuing a financial pattern. This pattern entailed not being psychologically enriched to understand the onus of knowing how money is an undeniable variable in raising a child. Of course, apart from having a chronic illness, and the fear of a child going through what I'm currently going through.

I see childbearing or the process of becoming a parent as a holy grail that most people in Nigeria see as a sexual serendipity rather than an act of intentionality. My father wasn't financially adequate, his father wasn't, and this pattern is something that needed to be evaluated, especially when continuing the process. For me, I think being a parent requires more than intentionality. If the process of parenting involved intentionality in 100% of the situation.

We'd see a reformed form of human existence. One of the reasons why some people regret being born isn't because they hate life for what it is. The circumstances that surround them mean that the joy of experiencing life isn't worth the trouble that life has brought them. When someone regrets being born, family dysfunctionality is one of the things I first blame. So for everything I've suffered, the multiple illnesses, poverty, ridicule, and challenges and pain I've seen, I don't want any child I might be birth to experience that.

Why? Because I believe in intentional parenting, which I wasn't a product of. Someone I know recently became a father, he's about 5 years younger than me, and I could already see how being a father is changing him, just hours to becoming a father. I already could feel the joy, and for a minute, I wished I was in his shows. Don't blame me, loneliness has realigned my belief about becoming a father. While I detested the responsibility of it. I only came to realize that the fear of not being able to cater to a child is my biggest fear.

To be honest I've had the opportunity to become one (a father), I intentionally blew it. But, I think for once, the responsibility isn't just money-inclined, sometimes it comes with a whole new inexplicable dimensions, that only intentional parents can explain. For this guy, he was financially capable to an extent, and I think for one, his child will have it better than him. This is a step up. I'm not saying everyone should be 100% capable to birth a child, 50% is the "low" normal, and the next generation can up it to "70%".

It's not just about money, there are many aspects money cannot buy, but making a child financially adequate is taking away 60% of their life hurdles. At this point, all I know is that fatherhood changes people, and sometimes I think my illnesses may make me an inadequate parent, even more than I think of money. However, after all the losses I've gone through, the joy of fatherhood outweighs every inadequacy I might think of. Of course, I don't know the future, this is why I overthink this.

50% of my worries and anxiety have been because of my deep thinking. This can be good, if people overthink things as childbearing, that period of procrastination might help prevent so many mistakes we see nowadays. I'm happy for this person, he's not 100% equipped, but 60%. Which is good in my books, anything can happen, but I'm happy a child is born in circumstances where the parents are equipped to give him a good chance at life, free from any genetic health issues and free from "money problems" at least for now.

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