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Peter McPoland - Predicting His Fame Before He Has a Wikipedia Page

I am memorializing my unequaled music prediction abilities here: Peter McPoland is going to be a gigantic superstar and all the kids are going to love this dude...

What Does Your Sky Look Like?

The world seems insane right now, doesn't it? This dumb little barely-living creature is killing everyone and another big dumb barely-thinking creature is in ch...

The Life Raft: Saving the Sad Redpill Lunatics of the Manosphere - Preface

Sex controls the world. That's not even a controversial opinion. It's been known since the first Cro-Magnon man decided to go out and do something insane in the...

Why Are the People Running Things Such Goofy Bastards?

I have the answer. It’s pretty simple really. Because normal people don’t want to deal with the giant sack of cow-shit that is “politics” and “public relations....

Trying to Watch the Naked Kate Winslet Scene in Titanic While Your Angry Wife Complains about Her Rough Day Buying a Shirt - Comedy Open Mic Round #32

Ok. She did that thing with her voice where it goes up. That "bet you won't believe the way this story about shirts turns out" tone. That means she's almost don...

SteemSteem: Earn Ten Gajillion Moneys With CryptoForkChainBlockBitBot - A Very Actually Serious Entry For Comedy Open Mic Round #32

Every person here on Steem wants to have many a lot Steemits! If you have fewer Steemits and want more Steemits, SteemSteem maybe is definitely the best and goo...

I Don't Wear Hats But if I Did Wear Hats and You Were a Hat I Would Still Kick You in the Stomach - Comedy Open Mic Round 29

I wish the guy who invented hats had perished as a child in The Great Plague, or the Cretaceous-Paleogene Extinction Event, or the big flood thing where the guy...

Censored

My aunt saw this and thought it was seditious, so the village censor made me remove it. Feel free to remove your upvote as well. I apologize for any inconvenien...

Your Mom is So Hot That I’m Gonna Have Her Screaming When I Give Her the Positive Results From the Clinical Trial of The Body Temperature Regulation Drug I’ve Discovered

Your mom always leaves my office all sweaty and out of breath, because she is part of a group of volunteers taking part in our FDA mandated experimentation whic...

Rice Goes on the Inside of a Sushi Roll You Deranged Lunatic - Comedy Open Mic Round 28

What is this? No, seriously what the hell is this? A Sushi roll? For real? That’s what you’re going with? You’re gonna really try to justify that? Wow. Umm, yes...

Hey Tornado, I Want to Punch You in Your Stupid Spinny Face

Hey funnel face. Yeah, I am talking to you. What are you gonna do about it? Rotate me? Knock over my patio furniture? You think you can just come around all whi...

Disclaimer: You’re a Dick Because You Use Disclaimers

You only use a disclaimer on your posts because you’re too much of a pansy to straight up make a real prediction, and you know all the idiots will follow what y...

Reading Trending Posts Will Make You More Stupider

If you need pictures with your content, the children’s bookstore is thataway. We all know that Steem and Steemit and everything associated with it is, in large ...

Imagine, Comedy Open Mic Night Round 11

5 ▶️ DTube ▶️ IPFS I nominate @alessandrapace and @writerofage for COM. 2nd submission for comedy open mic round 11. If you like the stuff, follow it around. Th...

Luck is the Only Relevant Factor in Making Money Trading Crypto Over the Short Term

Whales got Lucky. It had nothing to do with their “hard work” or their “skills.” There is only one statistically significant explanation for how and why the peo...

You’re Going to Die Pretty Soon So Do The Important Stuff Now

Motivational advice tends to be dripping with positive happy sentiments and feel-good rah-rah which probably works for children and people who have a generally ...

Comedy, Open Mic - Comedy Open Mic Round #10

Check. Check one. Sibilance. Sibilance. Nominating: @benleemusic (because the guy is a legitimate rockstar and actually personally interacts with regular people...

Things You Pronounce Weird in Your Head to Help You Remember How to Spell It

“Liss-Ten Pee-Opal to My Chih-Hooah-Hooah Bark.” Those are my weirdest ones. Do you do this or am I putting way too many powdered things up my nose for my brain...

When Your Face Looks Like a Waffle

Expect to be called “Waffle-Face” or “Ugly Idiot” or “Your Parents Didn’t Love You Guy.” A list: 1. Your waffle head makes my face want to throw up and the only...

I Made Out With Bitcoin Last Night

I invited Bitcoin over last night for a little Netflix and Chill (because I thought that it was a bit too presumptuous to invite him over for Hulu and Anal). Th...