You're not going out like that, are you?Sweats that looked good enough to dance in, suddenly look inappropriate now. It's just across the street, just popping to the shop. Do a bit of shopeen. Except you won't meet smile at halfway curb, force my mouth fall slack. Reassess self in outward-flanking mirror. I'll grab my hoodie.

Welcome.Well done for making it through to the final round. While it may seem like a general call to action, only a very select few are being considered for this position. People with no money, for instance, have long been eliminated from the race, as have sleazebags and perverts. You reading this marks you out as a highly intellectual, respectable, and dare one say individual of some means. From the bottom of our hearts, well done.

I was at this show last night, having a pretty good time, when suddenly the lead singer started ranting about idiot nationalists in the country and how they're so sorry their songs predicted the moronic reality we're living now.

It's always seemed like great wealth to me, the ability to lie down on an afternoon, kick-up-my-feet lazy, and just read. Stare out at the great big nothing that is balcony chip-off paint, that is hanging plant dry with the onslaught of winter-past, that is coffee. Growing cold. Assembling the crumbles, assessing my biscuit tin. Get in a panic when there's splatter against thigh, rile against my wake-up-late. Early day tomorrow? None for me, guv.

"I don't know if I told you... I don't know if you remember..."I always remember. Moreover, I don't care for it when people assume I've ignored them. I'm sure this has happened to you, as well. It seems to be increasing in our ever-screened interactions. People stay glued to their phones, or generally with their minds elsewhere while you talk to them, and you just sort of accept they don't care. That they're not paying attention. Like, you know they are, sort of, but not fully. If you need to remind them the next day, or tell them a million times over, that's alright. You're not worth paying that much attention to.

I've always loved St. Patrick's Day. I don't rightly know why, except when I was quite small, I got very attached to Irish history and culture. There was something there I always resonated with, and besides, it's pretty fucking cool as far as a nation's holidays go, isn't it?