Talking about a person you have loved with all your heart is very easy, the words come out by themselves because they come from the soul, they are written with emotion because you remember the beautiful moments you lived with that person and how much happiness you felt every time you shared with them.
Today I may be a little complicated to speak because that person is no longer here, she left a long time ago to another earthly plane and left a void in our hearts. Even so, I want to feel courage to write these lines since I decided not to shed a single tear of pain for her departure. I want that wherever my boy is, he feels calm and happy because he knows that he made me immensely happy since the first day I met him.
Bryan José, the most beautiful boy I have ever known, my nephew, the first son that life gave me. Bryan was the first son of my sister Gloria, he was born in Caracas far away from us in the middle of a night where the whole country was revolutionized by a military uprising to overthrow the president of the republic at that time. That early morning there were many wounded in that hospital and in the middle of all that disorder he was born, white as milk, with his big eyes that looked like a star and a few hairs that shone like the sun.
It was soon after that Bryan arrived to our city, to be more precise to the country where my parents' house is, there he started his life with us since he was a baby, we all loved him very much, we took care of him and we tried to do the best for him.
My sister was a single mother, so she had to go to the city to work to send the money for the child's expenses, so I was in charge all those years of supplying that place of mother. Bryan and I were inseparable, we went everywhere together, we shared, played and more.
Since he was a little boy he proved to be a very quiet child, he played with everyone, he was not selfish, he was respectful with everyone.
I remember when I was 19 years old I had to come to the city, I had already graduated from high school and I had to find my way, thank God I had very well thought what I wanted and everything went well in that aspect, but as soon as I had a chance I would run to my town to be with him and share Christmas, his birthday, all my vacations were there, in my house, enjoying that being and also my loved ones, my parents, siblings and other nieces and nephews.
I will never forget a Christmas when Bryan, already understanding a little more the things that were happening, told me: "Tia, because Christmas does not last forever" he did not want it to end because he knew that after all those days of celebration we would have to leave each one of us to fulfill our obligations.
I of course explained a little, with simple words, tucked him in, gave him a kiss and we went to sleep.
That's how our days were, scarce but we tried to live them to the fullest, with lots of love and feeling.
When Bryan was 5 years old he was diagnosed with a terrible disease, he had leukemia, a cruel and merciless disease. We never lost hope that he could get out of it, we had confidence in God and in the doctors of the Hospital who did everything humanly possible to save him, not only him but many children who had the same disease. It is there, in those places where we realized the reality of life, how selfish we are when we pretend that our problems are enormous and we do not realize that elsewhere there are people going through worse things than us.
The illness did not bring us down, life went on between hospitals, health, relapses, temporary trips to the house, vacations to the farm to visit grandparents, invasive treatments that left him weakened for many days.
So to appease the pain or sadness we always tried to have a positive mind, we always did things to be well; we went to the park with friends, we went to the best beaches where there was not so much pollution, we gave him the best gifts, bought him the best clothes, the best food. We always tried to spoil him as far as our money would allow and as far as the doctors would allow.
His 8th birthday party was the last one, the doctors allowed us to take him out of the hospital for a few days and take him home to celebrate. Everything was very nice, we were all happy, but that was his last outing, a few days later the doctors told us that Bryan would be leaving very soon and so it was.
I think the doctors wanted to prepare us for that moment, but even so one never loses hope and waits for the miracle to happen. A month later my sister and I were saying goodbye to this child, to this beautiful gift that life gave us the opportunity to have in our arms.
I will never forget Bryan's smile, that's how I want to remember him, teasing me, telling me things here and there, making fun of me to make me laugh.
I used to cry every time I remembered him because I felt that everything would be perfect in my life if he was still with me, I dream him big, like my children's big brother. I like to imagine what his face would be like, I'm sure he would be a tall, handsome, intelligent, handsome man and he would surely take care of me and shower me with affection and love.
But anyway, that's life, that's God's way. Now I am left with all the good things we lived and although sometimes I feel a little nostalgic I feel calm because we did everything in our power to make him happy.
A long time after Bryan left I had a beautiful dream, we were together in the hospital and he walked towards me and gave me a huge hug and made me feel that everything was okay. So I'll keep that because I'm sure that someday we will see each other again.
You smile at me from heaven.
