I think anyone who has ever lost a loved one might relate to what I am feeling right now. After losing someone, do you ever get over it? My guess would be NO. However, after a certain amount of time I am sure a bit of acceptance settles in. You should start to feel like maybe you can process what happened and you can dare say that things are getting “better”, right? Even if you exclude all the millions of times something would remind you of them and leave you crying, raging or just standing frozen as you remember how life changed. Surely after that you should be able to move on…
It has not even been a year since my dad’s passing after losing his battle against cancer, and my birthday is coming up. Even though I thought I should be okay now, it just hid me the past few weeks: For the first time in my entire life I will not hear my dad’s voice on my birthday. He will not call and ask about my day and my plans. There would have been a time set aside in my day on my birthday to wait for his call and have him congratulate me, but now that time is just a sad emptiness. Consuming my thoughts, leaving me heartbroken all over again. I guess even when you feel things are okay now and you are moving forward, one small event like a birthday can make you question your progress all together.
My approach the past few weeks: I have taken time to really remember him and embrace the pain. I still believe it’s the best way to deal with pain. If you cannot say it and deal with it, you can never heal from it.
I have never really been big on birthdays at all. I don’t want a party, the fuss or anything. For me it is just another day. Yet this birthday feels like a special one. It feels special in a way that it is not just another day. Not anymore. It stands out among the other days and not because it is my birthday, but because it lacks something as simple as that special phone call.
